Jennifer and her boyfriend Jed were here last night. We watched a few episodes of a giant robots show she's fond of -- something called Symbionic Titan (I might not be spelling that right). It's really a pretty cool little show, but from the way he was ogling her boobs, I could tell Jed was't that interested in it.

I can't blame him -- she's got very "oglable" boobs.

Which reminds me: I don't think I explained where she got them. I'm sure there are some out there who blame Attitude and a potential prank, but no -- Jennifer has always had a bit of a complex about her total lack of padding in the chest area, so she saved up for a few years in order to be able to afford these monster breasts. Nothing magical about them. And frankly, if I didn't think of her as my little sister, I'd love to give her a chest massage or three.

And last night, I wasn't the only one thinking about that. Jenn had dressed up a bit. Instead of her regular short tees, she was wearing a loose blouse (with several of the top buttons totally unbuttoned) which she'd tied below her breasts, showing her midriff. She may not look it, but she's got a very flat and sexy stomach. At any rate, she was just there, watching the show, leaning against Jed and giving him a plunging view of her cleavage. Both were nonchalantly munching on some popcorn we'd made, topped with that flavored salt-and-vinegar powder they sell in movie theaters (I always buy a couple of extras to bring home). The episode we were watching featured this mean cheerleader girl (who reminded me a bit of Attitude on her good days), as she was trying to seduce this human-looking android into doing her homeworks for her. And she did that by pulling out all the stops on the sexy moves (sexy danding, leaning seductively into him, etc.). And while it didn't work on the android, it got a chuckle out of Jennifer.

"She's doing it all wrong," she said. And having said that, she quickly stood up and started some sexy reggaeton dancing.

Yeah. Jennifer. You read it right. Shy Jennifer dancing reggaeton, flinging her arms and hips and other bountiful body parts in all the right directions, standing straight in front of Jed, looking like she was getting ready to give him a lap dance.

That's NOT the Jennifer I know. And frankly, I can't blame Jed for what happened next. As she leaned forward to give him a tantalizing view of her plunging neckline, his eyes kind of glazed over. His hand flung forward and grabbed Jennifer's blouse by the knot. He pulled her forward, then grabbed the neck of her blouse and, in one dramatic gesture, ripped the whole thing in half, leaving her bare from the waist up.

And while she had her back to me, she is now stacked enough that I could see some side boobage from where I was standing. She pulled Jed into her breasts, throwing her head back and letting out a few moans that gave me more information than I wanted about her (ahem) condition.

Yeah, I knew where this was headed. Except that I didn't. As I got up and tried to make a discreet exit, I knocked into the remote, which fell to the floor. Jenn turned around, her eyes locking onto me.

"Threesome!" she shouted, pointing at me.

"Great idea, babe!" Jed added.

So you know me by now: I ran. I raced to the bathroom, chased by two sex maniacs that wanted to sandwich themselves around me. I managed to shut the door in their faces just in time, and locked it before they forced their way in. There was a bit of banging at the door, and some pleading (from Jenn) to let me in (plus some comments about my interest in her body parts that I'd rather not reproduce here). Then, there were some sounds of clothes being removed frantically, and a body was slammed into the door. I retreated into the bath and sat there, waiting for the inevitable animal sex I knew was coming up. And sure enough, I was treated to a purely audio track of some pretty intense sex. I now know WAY too much about Jed's sexual preferences, and more than I ever cared to know about how much of a revelation anal sex has been to Jennifer.

They were at it for a good thirty minutes, and eventually migrated to several other rooms of my flat. I took advantage of that to slip out of my hideout, and take a walk outside.

And of course, because it's just the way this year has to start for me, it was pouring outside.