Last night, we had a great PJ party at my place. Girls only. (I’m not sure where Brooke formally fits in this category, but I prefer to think of him as a ‘she’…)

We were about a dozen girls at one point (not everybody came in at the same time, and some left earlier than others). I think a total of twentysomething girls showed up in all. Why did I throw this party? One of my stripper friends (let’s call her “Candy,” from the “Candy and Mandy Act”) is going through a bad breakup and needed some comforting. So I got on the phone, rallied the troops, and threw her a “we-all-hate-whatshisname” party, complete with whipped cream, Haagen-Dazs, hot chocolate, pillows, stuffed animals, and bunny slippers.

This had all the makings of a great party, except that Brooke was present. Under normal circumstances, that wouldn’t have been much of a problem. Except that a lot of them are strippers. (The story of WHY I have so many stripper friends is probably obvious to most of you, so I’ll leave that out for now.) And while this isn’t true of ALL strippers, a LOT of strippers have… substantial (ahem) assets.

Yeah. Boobs galore. And Brooke being (originally) a guy, that was a problem. And as some may remember, Brooke also has a curse about her boobs being “magnetically” attracted to other big boobs.

The whole thing might not have been as much of a mess had Roseanne NOT been there. Roseanne is big-boobed AND a hardcore lesbian. She had a thing for me during my stripper days, and we had more than a few “romp in the hay,” if you catch my drift. She also knew the “amen” keyword that caused me to spontaneously climax. While that doesn’t work on me anymore, it works perfectly well on Brooke.

So I’ll spare you the details (which I’m SURE some of you lil’ pervs are DYING to read, right?), but I can confirm this now: Brooke is no longer TECHNICALLY a virgin, though she hasn’t been with a guy just yet. Just know that Roseanne has had her way with Brooke. Repeatedly. We can ALL confirm it.

(And needless to say, Brooke was more than a little embarassed the next day, when we all woke her up by mimicking her cries of ecstasy of the previous evening…)

Mandy