I haven’t heard anything from Lana since last week. I’ve been silent here, I know — I’m a bit too depressed to make updates. :(

It’s clear to me by now that this isn’t Attitude’s doing. She’s not gloating or even bringing up the topic of what happened. Typically, whenever she does something to me, she’ll find ways of asking me how I am, how my day went, etc. All tricks to get a glimpse into my misery. But since the “revelation” of what I did last week, she’s been mysteriously quiet, absent, or even (is that possible?) sympathetic.

And then there’s work. Morgan is getting increasingly excitable around me. If there’s ONE good thing about my mood, it’s that watching that incredible woman get turned on like a Christmas tree isn’t having much of an effect on me. Yay for silver linings, right?

All I know right now is that I desperately want to see Lana and explain things to her. And I think I have a plan, though it’s a bit scary (and probably very inappropriate): I could drop by the cafe where she works during her shift and see if I could talk to her then.

I know: bad, baaad idea. But what else is a guy to do…?

–Jaycee