Alright, I’ve Had Enough!

As avid readers are likely to know, two things have been plaguing me of late. Well, three, if you count the utter lack of sex life, but that’s somewhat the result of the first two, these days.

The first is the constant hard-on, which got old a while back. I’ve got a routine set up to “survive” it, but it’s just not fresh anymore. For a while, I thought it might have some benefits. Hey, quick recharge and the (theoretical) ability to have 48 orgasms in a day is awesome, but you’ve got to score with a girl who won’t turn away from you the moment she notices your crotch. (And for anyone interested, I WAS on my way to that 48, doing pretty good time, but skin can only take so much friction…) Continue reading “Alright, I’ve Had Enough!”

A Countess’ Dream

I have heard from Countess Ylang-Ylang. She recently dreamed about Jaycee’s old boss, that Morgan Reiss woman.

The Countess said she saw the countless spells woven into that woman, and that they are not subtle. They are almost all sexual, very ephemeral, and often contradict each other. They are the work of a faerie (according to their “taste,” she said), but probably not a very old one. She also said that she found traces of a similar “taste” on my human pet, which is great news! It means that that same faerie has interfered with Jaycee, and that I’m free to intervene.

It’s been a LONG time since I’ve used a spell on one of my sisters.

Attitude

I Have a Problem

They say the first step in resolving a problem is admitting it exists in the first place. So let me confess: I have a problem. I think I’m addicted to flirting.

For the last several days, I’ve been flirting like my life depends on it, and now, it’s pretty apparent to me that I have a flirting addiction or something. I mean, I flirted with the matronly mail lady (erk!) and I even tried to hit on that young and sexy-sounding girl who called around lunch time to sell me a subscription to a local newspaper…

It’s been suggested by some of the readers here that this might be the work of Attitude. No surprises there, I guess. I sought her out to confront her, but all that came out of my mouth were some of the corniest pick-up lines that have ever crossed male lips. She was laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe. I eventually walked away, pretty confident that this whole flirting thing is yet another of her tricks.

I hope it wears off soon. Sure, I like the collection of phone numbers I’ve been getting, but I have to be in the office on Thursday and I dread what’s going to happen if it’s not gone by then.

That, and I’m terrified of running into Brooke until that curse is gone. I’m still reliving that kiss, and I don’t quite understand (or like!) the effect it’s had on me.

–Jaycee

Thanks for the Suggestion

A few people have suggested that Jaycee stop being a hermit, which gave me a GREAT idea!

I know he likes to go to this new place where they serve coffee and sell books. I think it’s called Tomes or something. I’m going to do a little something that’s going to spice up his life, and maybe even improve it a little.

Not that I care, of course! But it should be fun. You just wait and watch…

Attitude

He’s Not My Friend…

I occasionally read your silly scribblings and I laugh. I laugh because you keep suggesting that I’m trying to help Jaycee. I laugh because you think I have developed some kind of relationship with him and that I want what’s good for him.

Silly humans indeed.

Get it out of your head that I’m there for his benefit, or his growth, or his peace of mind. He’s not my friend. He’s a toy, and he’s mine to play with. Just like you played with G.I. Joe as little boys, or with Barbie as little girls. You made them do things, you made them say things, didn’t you? It’s just like that with me and Jaycee. He’s a fun toy. At best, he’s a pet. It’s not like I don’t take good care of him, either. I make sure he gets properly laid as well. That’s something he’d NEVER be able to do on his own. Well, maybe he’s a little better now, now that I’ve trained him a little. Yes, he can be taught. >:)

And another thing… I don’t like to share my toys. So don’t go reading anything more than that when I asked Countessa Ylang-Ylang to look into what’s been happening. And if anyone out there is reading this, and is making plans to have fun with Jaycee, know that you’re messing with the wrong faerie.

So there. Go resume your dull, sexless lives, and stop making assumptions about me.

Attitude

A Little Update

I’ve been pretty silent the few weeks because there just hasn’t been all that much to talk about. The new job is panning out nicely, and the folks I work with (when I’m in the office, twice a week) are very easygoing and laid back. We’re doing children’s books, after all. (And before you go off calling me names because of the Albert thread in the past few weeks, rest assured that my work there is irreproachably pure and chaste.) And my colleagues are fairly conservative (they’re also on average a good ten years older than I am). It’s nice to be working in a totally non-sexual atmosphere…

Here’s what’s going on with the various people in my life: Continue reading “A Little Update”

Faerie Dust, Of Course

I’m sure a lot of you have already figured this out, but the salt-and-vinegar flavored powder that we used in the popcorn when Jenn & Jed were over was not COMPLETELY free of some faerie additives. This morning, when I confronted Attitude about it, she fell over laughing at how hilarious the whole thing was (in HER eyes, anyway). Continue reading “Faerie Dust, Of Course”

The Countess Investigation

Two weeks ago, I obtained an audience with Countess Ylang-Ylang (not her real name, don’t get excited). I wanted to know who was messing with my pet human (if anyone). I’m happy to report that the Countess has received the plea and will dream about this for the next few weeks or so. (She has a lot of stuff to dream about, so don’t get your hopes up that there’s going to be a quick fix to this.)

In the meantime, I have (most graciously, I think) removed all my spells from Jaycee. Don’t go thinking that I did this out of the goodness of my heart — it’s just easier to spot minor, perception-affecting spells on him if I’ve made him a clean slate. This way, any new curse will really stand out, and then I can maybe find out more about it.

Now, in the meantime, I’m the one who’s without a pet to torture. I’m going to have to find someone to replace Jaycee with until there’s progress on his situation.

Maybe that Morgan woman…

–Attitude

Not That Your Opinion Matters…

…but I have nothing to do with Jaycee’s misery.

It IS a sight to behold, and whoever did this to him must have gone up one full cup size. Even by MY standards, that is brilliantly cruel. I’m really impressed. The author of this scenario is good. Really good. It’s someone I want to meet. Continue reading “Not That Your Opinion Matters…”

Still No News

I haven’t heard anything from Lana since last week. I’ve been silent here, I know — I’m a bit too depressed to make updates. 🙁

It’s clear to me by now that this isn’t Attitude’s doing. She’s not gloating or even bringing up the topic of what happened. Typically, whenever she does something to me, she’ll find ways of asking me how I am, how my day went, etc. All tricks to get a glimpse into my misery. But since the “revelation” of what I did last week, she’s been mysteriously quiet, absent, or even (is that possible?) sympathetic. Continue reading “Still No News”

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