Category: Uncategorized

UPDATE: Why No Credit Cards

Posted on October 26, 2016 by Jaycee

Well, you’d think the political circus in the US would have no competitor, but I think I found one.

I mentioned a week or so ago that I was going to make credit cards available for people who wanted to become members or make purchase in the (currently broken) Bloomin’ Store. Everything went smoothly, I filled out TONS of paperwork, sent ccBill a THOUSAND DOLLARS for the privilege of being charged a percentage of future sales, and (after some prodding) FINALLY got approved yesterday. I spent some time trying to set things up when, at the end of the day, I received the following email from ccBill:

“Subject: Merchant Account Deactivation ######”

“Dear Jaycee,

“Hello, My name is Elayne and I am a Merchant Compliance Analyst with CCBill. Your website was recently submitted to our acquiring bank for Visa and MasterCard registration. Unfortunately, once our bank reviewed your website it was determined that your business model is not compliant with their current regulations.

“Due to the unacceptable business model, we were advised that your account must be deactivated. Please understand this decision is final; however, you may contact us with any questions you feel are appropriate.

“*Please note, we have processed a refund on the payment you have made in the amount of $1000USD for card brand registration. You can expect to see the refund credited back within 7 to 10 business days.

“I truly apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. Thank you in advance for your time.”

Bear in mind ccBill provides payment solutions to porn sites all over the world! Bloomin’ Faeries! is extremely tame compared to most of these sites, which offer far more graphic content than I do. So I was curious and wrote back:

“After this lengthy validation process, I’m somewhat puzzled by this sudden reversal. Would you mind being more specific as to what component of my business model is not compliant with your bank’s regulations? It seems to me my model and content are not particular unique.”

I got this wonderful response very quickly (at least they’re responsive):

“Thank you for your reply. It appears that your website references non-human/mythical entities such as faeries and wizards. It is a violation of Visa regulations to reference and/or depict non-human/mythical entities anywhere on the website. Unfortunately, we are unable to proceed with your account for this reason.”

I had to laugh out loud. Faeries and wizards, really?! (I wonder how Visa feels about Disney properties…) I couldn’t help write back (with some not-so-subtle sarcasm, I must admit):

“That… is about as hilarious and ludicrous a restriction as I’ve ever heard. It sounds pretty random and arbitrary. Is there anywhere where I can read up more on these far-fetched restrictions? I might have other project in the works and it might be useful to know what invisible walls lay in the fog of your bank’s whimsy.”

Their answer (this time, from Denis S., copied to a certain Ashton Banker):

“I apologize for the inconveniences you have experienced. Unfortunately, we are unable to provide you with a list of violations/restrictions due to the magnitude and complicated nature of the card brand regulations and rules. If you have any concerns or websites that you would like us to look at, you may certainly ask our merchant compliance team at compliance@ccbill.com .”

I concluded the matter thusly:

“It’s no trouble or inconvenience, to be honest. I was kind of experiencing buyer’s remorse, so the deactivation was a bit of a relief. Still, I’m sure you can imagine I’ll be sharing this with my audience and we’ll certainly have a good laugh at Visa’s (and, a little bit, your) expense. In a news week (heck, MONTH) filled with political absurdities, this sets a new bar that I think is hard to beat.

“With regards to future projects, there’s nothing out yet and I’d rather not invest the time and effort when there are random & senseless rules out there that no one seems to know clearly. I’ll just stick to your competitors.”

And it’s true, I was kind of doubting my decision to rely on credit cards (no one really seems to care nowadays), so to get back my $1,000 is a good thing. And I was contemplating using that account for other (non-adult) projects, but that last answer was the nail in that coffin. In a world of cut-and-paste, invoking “the magnitude and complicated nature of the card brand regulation and rules” is a weak cop out at best. I’m very confident this is the best outcome for me or my site(s), but at the same time, this was too good NOT to share it with you all.

This is what we do, here: we bring comedy and smiles in your dreary days. And the occasional erection. Because we care. 🙂

–Jaycee
“I’m doing it.”

Coming Up: Credit Cards

Posted on October 18, 2016 by Jaycee

I’ve been putting this off for about 4 years and I finally decided to stop procrastinating: very soon now, I’m going to support credit cards (Visa & MasterCard) on this site. This means you’ll be able to subscribe or purchase products this way instead of only relying on Paypal. I’m curious: how many of you weren’t buying comics or subscribing because there was no credit card support?

–Jaycee
“I’m doing it.”

Members: Jaycee’s Quickies (Ch. 6)

Posted on October 13, 2016 by Jaycee

Below, a poll for site members to help me choose between four scenarios for Jaycee’s Quickies Chapter 6.

–Jaycee
“I’m doing it.”

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Here are four stories I’m considering for upcoming chapters of Jaycee’s Quickies:

  • Jaycee vs the Ill-Mannered Nurse: Jaycee is at the emergency room for a minor finger cut and gets lip service from a very irritated nurse. Minx, who’s with him, enchants her underwear to give her an erotic wedgie. The nurse (in the bathroom) fails to resolve the situation. In parallel, Jaycee (who’s looking for a bathroom) walks in on her (Minx helped with the lock). Sexy ensues.
  • Jaycee vs the Gym Amazon: Jaycee makes a timid visit at the gym, where lots of buff hotties are working out. He gets hard watching this one particular amazon, who notices his bulge and laughs at him. Hurt, he pleads with Attitude to turn her into a hot/wet/sexy mess, which she agrees to do but with a twist: she puts Jaycee in the amazon’s body and vice versa. Sexy ensues.
  • Jaycee vs the Beach Bunnies: Jaycee is at the beach, minding his own business when two laughing girls in skimpy slingshot bikinis run past him, spilling drinks and kicking sand on both him & Attitude. As they run away, Attitude turns the first girl in a horny and highly orgasmic lesbian, and the other into a raging hetero with uncontrollably groping hands. Sexy ensues.
  • Jaycee vs Ivanka: Jaycee (looking awkward in a tux) runs into Ivanka Trump at some fancy event. When she turns out to be very horny and desperate to have sex with him, Jaycee suspects faerie foul play, but once he’s done, he confronts Attitude, who denies having anything to do with it. But with faeries, there’s always a twist.

    • Which story appeals to you the most for Chapter 6?
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